What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

What did i know ?

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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

He knew the spot.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Is reducing immigration a potential solution to the housing crisis in Britain?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

So whats the point in blame.

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This is soul school!.

Especially a lifetime of it.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

What's the most sordid activity you've ever seen or heard about at a bachelorette party?

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

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Ive learnt so much.

My family never makes their pension either.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Why do Indian guys love Russian girls?

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Was to survive, this bastard.

I was 9 years of age.

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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

She loved him until the end.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

What are some good fantasy books that contain aspects of magic in them?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

I was seconnd youngest,

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

She was in good health!

Put me off passion for life!!

We were not on the streets..

As i do to all so called friends.?

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And i lived it daily.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I could never make a relationship work though!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

She found it foreign!.

I think the readers, may guess!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I was scared of men, in general

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

So, i spoilt her more .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I was very sick at this time too.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Would this be the day?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Comes on , in middle age.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I waited trembling.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I will be 64.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Who then, do I blame.?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I write beautiful poetry .

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I couldn’t, believe it.

My life is so biszare .

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I never cut or harmed myself..

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I said to her

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

It was going to be , some day.

She married twice! .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im still living with it.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I have no regrets .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Why did i forgive my father ?

When she asked me how she looked .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

He resisted the act ,that day.

We all went to grammer schools

All the time i was locked up.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I don,t even have a pension.

But, we were locked up after school.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

She wouldn,t have been !

(And it was in our own minds.)

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

But it wasn’t much.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

But ive been too sick for many years..

One cannot live in the past .

Im dying but, im not bitter.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.